This week, I was really impressed by the article, “Covenant Marriage” by Elder Bruce C. Haven.
From this reading i’ve leaerned a few new things about how to make my marriage more of a covenant marriage, and less like a contractual one. Elder Haven states, “Marriage is by nature a covenant, not just a private contract one may cancel at will. Jesus taught about contractual attitudes when he described the “hireling,” who performs his conditional promise of care only when he receives something in return. When the hireling “seeth the wolf coming,” he “leaveth the sheep, and fleeth … because he … careth not for the sheep.” By contrast, the Savior said, “I am the good shepherd, … and I lay down my life for the sheep.”
After the honeymoon phase of marriage, we enter the phase of “real life”. Elder Haven talks about the three wolves that constantly attack our marriages. First, natural adversity. Life was always meant to be hard. Treking through the trials of life as a couple can be one of the most difficult challenges we face. Whether it’s parenting, finances, health or even how to spend personal time. Marriage is the refiner’s fire that helps us become selfless, caring, and compassionate. We should be willing to “lay down our lives” for our spouse when adversity comes, be willing to bear the brunt of the burden. It’s through sacrifice and service that we’ll come to love our spouses with an unconditional and undying affection.
The second wolf that lurks around our marriages is our own imperfections. Marriage is the joining of two very different people, in an eternal partnership meant to endure the test of time and last forever. However, when two things come together, there’s always friction. It’s important for us to learn how to cope with our differences, and use them as strengths. My wife and I are constantly learning from eachother, and are always trying to balance eachother out. Some nights, she has NO energy to deal with our restless 3 year old, while my patience may be a bit more stable, and vice versa. Luckily, we can work together in the ebs and flows to find a way to accomplish what we need to do as a parents and for ourselves.
Lastly, the third wolf fighting against marriage is excessive individualism. We live in a world where our attitudes and behaviors are focused around ourselves. Social Media culture is driven to focus on “me” and what “I” can gain from this world. How many followers, how many likes, etc
As we focus more on the covenant of our marriage, and spend more time serving our spouse, the imperfections, differences, and trials will melt away.
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